Happy Valentine's Day!! I hope you're celebrating with your lover, friends and family in ways that are fun and relaxing. I know many of you may feel bummed or "anti-valentine" this year because you're single or maybe you're fighting with your partner at the moment. Well, today's post is to help you see how much love you already have in your life and to give you permission to celebrate it more often than once a year!
Since Valentine’s Day is a holiday where we all consciously pay attention to love, however, I want to share something with you that is meaningful in my life. The more we can all show gratitude and love to ourselves and others, the more we can see where it shows up for us in so many ways.
Recently I asked a group of women what they are curious about around intimacy. One woman asked, "How do I tell a man I'm a virgin...when it's not for religious purposes?" Another woman asked the opposite, "How do I tell someone that I've been promiscuous?"
First, let me say that this can be a very hard subject to talk about. You are expressing something extremely personal and that comes with a lot of emotion. Sexuality can define you, scare you and give you freedom. There is so much energy and power tied to sexuality and sensuality. The debates surrounding virginity, the virtue of virginity, and the sexual responsibility of men and women are much deeper than a single blog post. My goal in this post is to bring the beginning of a perspective to what you may be experiencing in order to bring more light into what can be a very dark, lonely place to be.
The holiday season, for me, brings with it a sense of reflection. This year, as 2014 comes to a close, I couldn't feel more relief. It has been a challenging year with family illness, a big move and a deeper re-connection to passionate work in my life. The more people I talk to about their 2014, the more I find I'm not alone in my experience. So, I've begun reflecting on that idea - of being alone.
Everyone is alone in how they experience their world. There is no one else who has the same history, the same path, and the same future as you. There are no two people that see the exact same color or object. No one will breathe the same smells as you or have the same emotional reaction to things. However, with all of that, it does not mean you are alone.
"I exist as I am. That is enough." ~Walt Whitman
I love that quote and absolutely agree with it! However, too often we put pressure on ourselves to perform and achieve in order to feel loved by someone.
Have you ever felt like you had to be a certain way, say a certain thing or meet some goal in order to be loved or be lovable? Maybe you have been told that you're too intense, or you need to be more driven. Maybe you got the most positive attention from your parents when you received an A in school or got that awesome win for your sports team.
I recently read the book Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. The subtitle makes the claim that having "the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead." That is a bold statement!! Well, it's true. She uses a lot of juicy stories and examples in the book to explain how it's true, however the biggest claim that resonated with me is that vulnerability goes further than just expressing some deep, sad emotion - it encompasses those moments when wonderful, amazing things happen in your life.
