Are you sick of playing the dating game?

Have you read the book The Rules and are you following them? Is that helping you feel fulfilled in your dating life and getting you the results you want?

Or, have you been trying to "win" your date? Trying to prove that you are better than the next guy or girl - that you have more to offer? Are you trying to MAKE them see your value? If you're approaching dating as a game with set rules - trying to one-up the other person - you're missing out on a really important aspect of love and partnership. Here is a news flash: there are no rules!

What you really want is to find someone who sees and understands your value. Someone that doesn't care about what date you are on or who called who first. When you find someone that wants to create their own set of rules WITH you, that is where the magic happens and your just knowing kicks in.  

When you played make believe as a child the point wasn't to have a winner or loser. Maybe in cops and robbers, or teacher and student there was someone taking the lead, but you both win! Really you were stretching your imagination and discovery with an experience. What would it be like to be a cop, what would it be like to be a robber? What would happen if you switched? Just like dancing, that imaginary play was a call and response where you both agree to play by the rules you create in the moment, or to follow the steps of the leader. 

Meaningful relationships, whether romantic or friendship, are about giving yourself permission to engage with the other person in a way that's unique to the both of you. It's about embracing your need to be seen, your need to express yourself in a way the other person gets, and ultimately let your wildest desires come true.

How do you do that? Let's start by looking at the questions you ask.

"Tell me about yourself." Well, that's not a question - that's a command! How about, "What do you do?"

Those questions don't tell you much about the core of a person. It might tell you how they pay the bills or if they pay the bills, but what about the path they took to get there? Are they doing a job out of obligation or passion?

Another way to start that's more playful is, "If money didn't matter, what would you do?" or "what gets you up in the morning?" Maybe even, "what do you want to do when you grow up?"

Being more curious allows the other person space to express who they really are. It opens the dialogue beyond what they are defined by and lets them start to show sides of themselves that could be intriguing or complimentary to who you are. It's more about inspiration and less about labels.

So, don't play by someone else's rules. Focus on what is important to you in another person and ask them questions where they can express that. What type of person do you want to be when you grow up? Give yourself permission to indulge your wild side and let go of the fear that you have that keeps you within certain limitations.

If you don't know where to start, leave a comment or message me on the Contact page and we can start exploring!

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